Confession: I enjoy reading horoscopes. I take them with a huuuuuuuuuuge grain of salt (ok, more like a block of salt), but they’re right up there with the People Magazine crossword puzzle on the list of “Generally Insipid Things That I Find Really Entertaining.”
It’s a good thing I take them with a huge grain of salt, because they’re often totally off base. To wit, here’s today’s Aquarius horoscope from Elle Magazine:
Fairy-tale romances might not be your schtick, but don’t dismiss them altogether O’ Cynical One. Today’s auspicious alignment between the sun and Jupiter could deliver a dashing soul on a modern-day version of the white steed. This cosmic duo gives you an extra serving from the cup of courage. If your heart’s been beating a little quicker when a certain someone is near, this is the day to nudge the attraction to the next obvious level. Ooh la la!
Um. Since I’m married and all, this makes me extra, super-duper inclined to be O’ Cynical One (well ok, O’ Skeptical One is more accurate, but whatevs). I will, however, slather gratuitous hugs on my unassuming husband. The poor dude will probably think I was possessed by an overly exuberant puppy.
Or, as another case in point, today’s Aquarius reading from the Washington Post:
Right now, whatever you’ve got up your sleeve should stay there — party plans, juicy gossip, insider information, whatever. Avoid over-sharing at all costs, when it comes to your ideas, plans and hopes — especially in front of people you don’t know very well. Mum is the word for you today, so keep your mouth shut and just let everyone else around you assume whatever they want to assume. Become a person-of-mystery and you will succeed in creating quite a buzz around yourself!
Ok, so here’s the thing about me: I never hear about gossip or insider information. I’m incapable of having anything up my sleeve, because I don’t gain access to anything that might be sleeve-worthy. Secondly, the last time I wanted to be a woman of mystery was, like, circa 1990. I’ve since learned that I’m one of the least mysterious people on the planet — Lillian’s the name, embarrassing levels of transparency are the game — so, I can’t think of anything short of having to join the Witness Protection Program that would compel me to become a woman of mystery.
Horoscopes, you fail.
And I, friends, am a big fan of reliability.
So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce some of my meals and snacks from the past week. (They’d like the record to reflect that they also don’t like lame horoscopes.)
Aaaaaand, there you have it. So, tell me…
Do you ever read your horoscope?
What’s on your list of generally insipid things that you actually find really entertaining?
(Please tell me I’m not the only one who has one of these?)
What was your favorite meal from the last week?